The not so joys of breast feeding
Author: Melissa Lahti
June 12, 2012
I was talking to one of my friends today about breast feeding. She doesn’t have any kids so I was telling her that after breast feeding four kids you might as well just kiss your boobs good bye. Don’t get me wrong, if I had to do it all over again I would still breast feed all of my children. Breast milk is best and there have been many studies done to prove one reason after another why breast feeding is so important. But let’s face it ladies, breast feeding is no joy ride.
I was thinking about how some cultures use what they call a wet nurse, a type of nanny that is in charge of breast feeding all the children. This is one job you won’t find me doing. The best thing about breast feeding has to be the leaky breast. Come on now, can you believe they make breast pads? They are similar to the period pad except round and you wear it in your bra or you will find yourself having to change your shirt every time you get cold or excited. There are many different types of pads. You can get plastic reusable ones that you have to dump and rinse out, or cloth washable ones (about as good as a cloth diaper), or disposable ones that do or don’t tape to the inside of your bra. I recommend the disposable ones but make sure you get the kind that tapes to the inside of your bra or you will all of a sudden look down to notice the thing slipped out the top of your bra and is just hanging out there.
When breast feeding, forget having sex again with your bra off. You better have a breast pad in there too or you will be showering your loved one in milk. Also the funniest thing is when the baby pulls off the nipple in mid suck and the milk goes shooting literally across the room. Have you ever squirted anyone in the eye? Bet you didn’t know breasts can double as squirt guns.
Oh and don’t ever plan a date night while leaving the baby with a babysitter because your boobs will become so full of milk, you won’t be able to move. I found myself in the bathroom before literally trying to squeeze the milk out just to be able to breathe again. That stuff hurts when you blow up so big you no longer fit into your bra and you can’t move or you’ll die from pain. And hopefully you brought extra pads with you because those suckers are filling up just about every hour, if not sooner. Did you ever find yourself stuffing toilet paper in your bra just to keep your shirt dry?
I am very proud to say I breast fed all four of my kids, I just have to admit my deflated balloons I have for boobs don’t look so proud.
Update: This article is not meant to discourage breast feeding in any way. I feel breast milk is the best thing any mother can give to her baby and I strongly encourage all mothers to breast feed for as long as possible to keep your baby healthy. Many scientific studies have proven that there are many benefits to breast feeding including immune system and brain function. The point of this article is to merely point out the humor in the not so fun moments we all experience in being a parent. All parenting has its ups and downs and we all make many willing sacrifices to ensure our children are given the best life possible. Thank you for visiting Need Great Info.